So I’m normally pretty hesitant to buy games that have pixelated graphics because I’m always afraid of being disappointed. Like there’s a crappy game hiding behind the cute retro look, waiting to take advantage of my nostalgia. Joke’s on them though, because if I can ignore my nostalgia and avoid paying money to see sequels and remakes of franchises that aren’t as good as the originals, then I can withstand the sweet siren’s song of retro graphics and not buy bad games…except this time.

This time I thought to myself “self, it’s only a few bucks, and there’s no description. That means there’s mystery! Jump down the rabbit hole and check it out!” And I did. And…I kinda regret it. Gun Crazy isn’t quite that bad, but it’s really short and forgettable.

As far as the graphics go, they aren’t bad but I have to say that the sprites are too big and there’s not a lot of enemy variety. It feels like I’m looking at an NES game through a 2x or 4x zoom. Also when you kill things, you get points, but in the form of coins that instantly fly to you. So honestly I couldn’t figure out what the hell I was looking at a few times because there’s so many coins flying around. I don’t know why that was necessary. Did Scrooge McDuck develop this?

The controls, however, are great. They’re tight and responsive and of all the times I’ve died, I didn’t blame the controls once. The game plays a lot like a mix between Contra and Mega Man X. In addition to the basic controls you can double jump, stand in one spot to shoot, and there’s a nifty dash move that I did not find out until AFTER I beat it that also allows you to dash into certain bullets to collect ammo packs for whatever gun your holding.

Speaking of guns…for a game called Gun Crazy, you’d expect a lot, right? Like 10? 15? 37? There’s 4, if you include your standard shot. There’s the standard, a green laser, a yellowish machine gun, and a red…ball…gun? I’d call it a spread gun but it doesn’t really spread much. It’s just big balls shooting out. So there you have it. A disappointing big ball gun.

So you basically just run right, shooting things and blowing up everything in sight, coins flying everywhere like you won the jackpot on the penny slots in Vegas. But why are you doing it? What’s your motivation? Are you saving the world? Rescuing baby animals trapped in robots? Tired of being quarantined? That answer, is absolutely nothing. Even more nothing than in a Seinfeld episode, which if you’re measuring just how much nothing that is, it’s a lot. There’s seriously no story. When you beat it – there’s no story. It is really just an excuse to shoot things and that’s it.

The game has 4 levels and it’s basically over before it feels like it’s starting and when it’s done, that’s basically it. It’s like the developers finished the 4th level, added credits and called it a day.

The music is fast paced and fits right in with the action, and is actually pretty catchy. I do have to mention though, that this girl screams pretty loudly when she dies. Like there’s a normal volume that everything functions at in this game, and they’ve boosted hers to be well above that. It really feels like the developers WANT you to know that she got killed. They even make a thing out of it in the trailer.

The game has 4 levels and it’s basically over before it feels like it’s starting and when it’s done, that’s basically it. It’s like the developers finished the 4th level, added credits and called it a day. Also in arcade mode, you have limited continues and no way to get your health back. It’s not brutally difficult, and likely won’t take experienced players more than a few tries to clear. After beating it you unlock a hard mode as if you’d like to play it again, but unless you just really loved this game, there’s no point.

So at the end of the day Gun Crazy is a game that controls well and actually has the potential to be fun if it weren’t for the super short playtime and lack of actual guns in it. You can overlook the lack of a story, and the messy graphics, but there just isn’t much here to play. As a side note, you can get all of the achievements by the halfway mark in the game. It’s probably the easiest time I’ve ever had getting 1000 achievement points.